“Today I’m on top of the world! Nothing can stand in my way! I got this! I can do anything! I feel great! I look great! Let’s do this! …”
“I feel so ugly. It’s a wonder why people even smile at me in passing. Life sucks. No one likes me, wants to be with me, or even cares. Why can’t I be attractive like that person over there? Why can’t I be more caring like them? Why am I never good enough!? …”
“Oh yeah! Check me out! I feel good nana nana nana na!”
“I just want to cry…”
“I love life!”
… and the circle continues…
Have you ever felt like that? Maybe even all in one day? Isn’t it crazy? I have gone from feeling way optimistic about life to being down in the dumps all within the matter of a few hours, sometimes even less. This became extremely apparent while I was serving a mission in Russia. Holy Cow! I’d wake up ready to rock, by dinner I’d be so downtrodden that the only reason I went back out was because my companion and I needed to, and by the time I got back the world was once again a bright place (and yes, doors were slammed the entire night, but that didn’t matter).
I remember recognizing that pattern while going over a few journal entries and recording “Emotions cannot be trusted! … I was feeling down. Went out. Feel great now. … emotions don’t seem to be stable enough to use as a judge for decisions” ( Monday November 3, 2008). Of course, that entry is a bit drastic in its conclusion.
So what was going on? And how could I fix this? What did I need to do to keep myself feeling better more regularly, experience less rapid emotional change, and strengthen my self-esteem so that it wasn’t so varying?
Self-Esteem: The judgments we make about our own worth and the feelings associated with those judgments
It’s those harsh judgments and feelings that keep getting me down. I’ve been wondering what I can do about it but for a while I didn’t really know. The answer was in front of me the whole time.
Matthew 16:25 - For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.
My Human Development Professor used this scripture in reference to self-esteem. As I stop constantly thinking about myself and my self-image and instead focus on helping others and becoming more charitable I will be more confident, my self-esteem more stable, and in the end I’ll be more Christ-like – which is the end goal. A key to happiness is to look outward and lose yourself in Christ. That brings the Spirit and that brings peace.
And it is peace that we all desire, right?
Anyway, this has been on my mind since that lecture and I wanted to share some of the thoughts that came of it.
Have a great week!
Fun fact: did you know that the term "self-esteem" was made up by psychologists? It's true :P
ReplyDeleteWe talked about the idea of self-esteem and self-love [not necessarily egoism] in my sociology class. My teacher pointed out that nowhere in the scriptures do we find Christ or the Lord talking about how we need to have good self-esteem or self-images, this is "modern doctrine" so to speak. In fact, whenever they [Christ or God] mention love, it's always their love for something or someone other than themselves. I thought that was cool :) Which is why I love that scripture in Matt so much because it really is all about forgetting yourself