Love and The Lessons Learned

“Hey Ogden, you married yet?”


“You dating anyone?”


“It’s your turn Mills!”


“Did you hear what President Monson talked about? Doing anything about it?”


“Hey, I know the perfect girl for you”


Now before you get all excited, I want to clarify that this isn’t a rant. The people who pose these questions need not be offended; I appreciate their concern. This post is more of an explanation, or maybe a declaration. It could even be a comfort to those who seem to be stressing out about my relationship status [you know who you are]. Anyway, let’s proceed…

So, why am I not married (or, more pertinent perhaps, why still single)?

Honestly, I don’t really know. I go on lots of dates and I’m not skirting the issue. I would like to think that maybe Michael Buble’s coined phrase “I just haven’t met you yet” is applicable, but maybe I have met her. It’s possible.

But the last two years haven’t been without many lessons regarding this subject. Each girl I get to know helps to teach me about the girl I’m going to marry and, more often than not, about myself.

Lesson: Open Honest Communication

          Can I talk openly and honestly about anything and feel that the other is doing the same? Do I have to
     be cautious, wondering if my thoughts will be subjected to ridicule or dismissal? Can I trust this person
     with my secrets and yearnings? Do I feel that I have to play a part, or keep to a script?

          All the girls that I have really liked all had one thing in common: I felt like I connected to them. I could
     talk openly and honestly about anything, and just as important, there was balance. I could talk and so
     could she; there was sharing. Often I have been able to recognize this “trait” within minutes of meeting her.

Lesson: It’s got to go both ways

    Ok, I’ll be frank. Timing sucks! At least so far it has. I mean:

1. The girl has to like you too.
2. You have to suck up the courage to do something about it before it’s too late (Think of Man vs Fear)
3. She has to be available.
4. ...

          So what do you do when stuff doesn’t go your way? Keep kickin, learn from the mistakes, and rock
     on. Although I still have issues with #2, I’ve made a lot of improvements.

Lesson: Moral Strength. Period.

          If I want to have a relationship with someone who loves God, is obedient to Him, and does her best,
     then I need to be that way. I have to be striving to be what God wants me to be. If I expect/desire certain
     characteristics then I have to have those as well. All of this sounds pretty basic right? But implementing
     this is a whole different story. *Please note that I’m not talking about perfection, I’m talking about
     attitude, about dedication, about those small things God asks us to do.

And the lessons go on.

Now that you have read this, here are a few things I don’t need you to do:

• Analyze yourself (if you’re a girl) or anyone else to see if you/they would be a “perfect” match.
• Teach me a lesson or give me advice. I have plenty of sources already and I’ve probably heard it before. If I want it I’ll bring it up in an open and honest discussion.
• Leave some remark about an “opportunity” I passed up or an “option” I missed out on. I’m sure it has already been brought to my attention, either by myself or by others.

Feel free to:

• Think about the kind of person you are. How you can change.
• Laugh. Smile. Laugh.
• …

*All opinions herein may change over time and are subject to many interpretations and viewpoints. Remember: I’m a person. I change. 

** Please don't feel that this changes an aspect of a friendship that we may have. If you are use to asking and discussing my dating life with me [once again, you know who you are] please note that nothing has changed. (Felt that I should put this since a friend already asked.) 

Define Stalking...

Stalking: to pursue obsessively and to the point of harassment.

Since the advent of Facebook, the usage of the term “stalking” has risen dramatically, and accompanied with that comes a load of new connotations. Think about it.  I know that in high school the word was reserved for guys creeping my lady friends out by following them, making harassing comments, and other rightfully condemned behaviors. Today, by running into a girl twice or so in one day, a good-natured guy can be called “stalker”. Bring in Facebook and you have a whole new world to apply this label to. I mean - heaven forbid that you mention a status update of an acquaintance, for although it appeared on your newsfeed, you’re a Facebook stalker.

 Now before you all start shouting “sexist!” let me also say that guys over generalize this word as well. A girl sits near you, comments on your Facebook, and strikes conversations with you often – then obviously she’s either stalking you or she is going to be a potential next girlfriend. 

I’ve heard a phrase, “What’s the difference between your boyfriend and your stalker? You like your boyfriend.” Well, I hope by definition that your significant other isn’t “pursuing [you] obsessively and to the point of harassment” because that is just wrong. (I’m pretty sure that kind of behavior is not conducive to a healthy relationship. Just saying)

I guess I’m just tired of “crushing on someone” = “stalking”, and “browsing extremely public information” = “stalking”, “having a good memory regarding conversations with that person” = “stalking”,  …need I go on? Honestly I haven’t met that many stalkers and honestly “stalking” is (at least in my book) pretty far from a term of endearment. And let’s get real, if you were attracted to the person you probably would be flattered and excited, instead of handing out the stalker sign. 

FYI: No one has called me a stalker. This post was prompted as I recalled multiple conversations and debates that I’ve had with roommates and friends. To make sure I’m not a hypocrite, feel free to “Facebook stalk” me as much as you want. I put the info up there, I set the privacy settings, so if you make it through without having to circumvent any system or “pursue obsessively” then heck, have fun.