Learning to Let Go

As suggested by the title, this last semester (during which I have been dreadfully absent from the blogging world) has been trying to teach me to let go. I'll try to summarize a few of the incidents of last semester to help show this lesson.

Dating: (Had to start with a overused yet little understood topic like this.)
 I talk with my family every week on Sunday afternoon. Our discussions, varying by person, range from how good old Las Vegas is doing, my school and work load, adventures, and any signs of my dating life that they can squeeze out of me. During one such conversation with Dad, I expressed my concern that I am very busy with school and work, I have been attending BYU for nigh 3 years, and I had yet to actually date someone (something more than a few first and second dates). This common topic always raises concerns since, although you'd never know that about 50% or so graduates leave without a spouse, marriage and dating are heavily mentioned in almost all facets of BYU life. I was feeling like a failure.

After voicing my fears and feelings of inadequacy to my father, he put dispersed my fears by saying "Ogden, are you doing your best?" "Yes, Dad. I am doing the very best I can." "Then God will take care of you. Stop worrying and let it go. He's not going to deny you anything. He'll handle it - even if it is your dating life. He'll provide opportunities for everything to work out." That really put me at peace. I was definitely working as hard as I could to meet the demands of life. I really didn't see how I was going to have even the slightest dating life that semester, but I took my dad's advice and let my stress-inducing feelings go. I took faith and knew that everything would work out. 

It did. Winter semester was the best dating semester I've ever had. I was dating (never-exclusively - and don't pry because it's NOYB) an awesome girl. We went on several dates that semester and it was wonderful! My semester was still the busiest yet, with massive work loads and projects piling up (every saturday was spent in the Talmage building working on CS projects). Yet in-spite of all that, God took care of me.

Choices:

With the last semester of my junior year, the need to make life changing decisions slammed into my face, put me into an americana hold, and really tried to make me tap out. The main issue was figuring out what to do for after graduation. I really had two choices. Go for a master's degree or go into the career field. I thought, prayed, studied some more, all with no avail. I still had no clue what I should do. Once again the lesson came to me to "Let it go. I'm doing my best. It will be alright." So with that I've decided to apply for both. I'm going to apply for the masters program and I'm going to submit my resumes. When my actual choices are placed before me, I will make the choice. Right now, since there is no way of knowing my options (besides applying) I shouldn't worry about it. I should just keep moving forward doing my best.

So, as I have learned to let go of uncontrollable issues I have become better at feeling peace, being ready for the future, and letting God have more of an influence in the ratification of my decisions. As long as I'm doing my best (which I've always been doing) then God will handle the rest.

Annual Stresses and Other Observations

It’s been quite some time since my last post. With the start of school came the anticipated schedule changes, new work and academic loads, and the constant striving to maintain some form of balance and sanity. This led to having to learn how to cope with stress and taught me to rethink my priorities. Because of all this change, my goal to blog twice a month suffered, but now I’m back – and here is the story.

A few weeks into the semester I started to wonder “how am I going to get through all this?” I was becoming over stressed (close to the breaking point) with the pressures and expectations I place on myself. Despair started to set in. Something had to change.

The turning point came a few weeks ago in one of my most overloaded weeks yet. I had multiple projects to do, a load of assignments, and due dates were looming near. I was realizing that I don’t really know what field in Computer Science I really want to go into and the prospect of going to graduate school was becoming more of a reality. Basically, I was stressed, too stressed. I was almost to that level of stress where you’re about to go into the apathetic self-destruct mode, yeah, not a pretty sight.

In this moment I realized I must be doing something wrong. So with a simple sincere prayer, I was able to step back and see. I wasn't studying the scriptures daily, so my reception for heavenly help was being dampened. I wasn't using a schedule, so I was constantly busy but never accomplishing anything. I wasn't dividing my time properly, so things easily crept up on me, causing me to turn assignments and projects in late, fail in responsibilities, and interfere with social opportunities. I was beginning to realize the things that had to change.

 During this time, the Lord still blessed me with small tender mercies. A professor took time out of his lecture to discuss graduate school, another talked about time management and how he used certain techniques to maximize the results of his time. Some due dates were pushed back. Enlightening comments were made that helped with understanding projects. These all led me to make a change to the way I was dealing with life.

The Change:

I created a schedule (thank you Google Calendar for the tools and the semesters with Zach Panter for the inspiration) that showed exactly where my time should be going. I placed on it time to work on projects and which projects needed the most attention. I now have a certain time during the day set apart for studying scripture and I guarantee myself 3 workout sessions per week. No matter what - scripture study and working out WILL happen. My physical and mental well being depend on these. My stress level is never too high when these two things are present. Sure my work load still sets personal records, but so help me - my stress level WILL NOT.

The Results:

Since implementing my plan, my stress levels have been kept in check. I have accomplished my tasks on time. I have feel great. I am closer to The Lord. I somehow still have time. Now I just need to stick to my plan, make adjustments as needed, and get ready for the next lesson in life (hopefully it's one that includes a girlfriend... yeah...)

Misc:

I used the title "Annual Stresses" because after looking through my journal entries for last year and the year before - around the months of October, I realized that they all sounded the same "I have no clue how I'm going to get through this week..." In the past I just pushed through them. Hopefully with these changes I'll be better able to handle weeks like those, from now on out.

 

Here is a link relating to the time management concept my professor mentioned: http://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/blog/time-management-how-an-mit-postdoc-writes-3-books-a-phd-defense-and-6-peer-reviewed-papers-and-finishes-by-530pm/