Love and The Lessons Learned

“Hey Ogden, you married yet?”


“You dating anyone?”


“It’s your turn Mills!”


“Did you hear what President Monson talked about? Doing anything about it?”


“Hey, I know the perfect girl for you”


Now before you get all excited, I want to clarify that this isn’t a rant. The people who pose these questions need not be offended; I appreciate their concern. This post is more of an explanation, or maybe a declaration. It could even be a comfort to those who seem to be stressing out about my relationship status [you know who you are]. Anyway, let’s proceed…

So, why am I not married (or, more pertinent perhaps, why still single)?

Honestly, I don’t really know. I go on lots of dates and I’m not skirting the issue. I would like to think that maybe Michael Buble’s coined phrase “I just haven’t met you yet” is applicable, but maybe I have met her. It’s possible.

But the last two years haven’t been without many lessons regarding this subject. Each girl I get to know helps to teach me about the girl I’m going to marry and, more often than not, about myself.

Lesson: Open Honest Communication

          Can I talk openly and honestly about anything and feel that the other is doing the same? Do I have to
     be cautious, wondering if my thoughts will be subjected to ridicule or dismissal? Can I trust this person
     with my secrets and yearnings? Do I feel that I have to play a part, or keep to a script?

          All the girls that I have really liked all had one thing in common: I felt like I connected to them. I could
     talk openly and honestly about anything, and just as important, there was balance. I could talk and so
     could she; there was sharing. Often I have been able to recognize this “trait” within minutes of meeting her.

Lesson: It’s got to go both ways

    Ok, I’ll be frank. Timing sucks! At least so far it has. I mean:

1. The girl has to like you too.
2. You have to suck up the courage to do something about it before it’s too late (Think of Man vs Fear)
3. She has to be available.
4. ...

          So what do you do when stuff doesn’t go your way? Keep kickin, learn from the mistakes, and rock
     on. Although I still have issues with #2, I’ve made a lot of improvements.

Lesson: Moral Strength. Period.

          If I want to have a relationship with someone who loves God, is obedient to Him, and does her best,
     then I need to be that way. I have to be striving to be what God wants me to be. If I expect/desire certain
     characteristics then I have to have those as well. All of this sounds pretty basic right? But implementing
     this is a whole different story. *Please note that I’m not talking about perfection, I’m talking about
     attitude, about dedication, about those small things God asks us to do.

And the lessons go on.

Now that you have read this, here are a few things I don’t need you to do:

• Analyze yourself (if you’re a girl) or anyone else to see if you/they would be a “perfect” match.
• Teach me a lesson or give me advice. I have plenty of sources already and I’ve probably heard it before. If I want it I’ll bring it up in an open and honest discussion.
• Leave some remark about an “opportunity” I passed up or an “option” I missed out on. I’m sure it has already been brought to my attention, either by myself or by others.

Feel free to:

• Think about the kind of person you are. How you can change.
• Laugh. Smile. Laugh.
• …

*All opinions herein may change over time and are subject to many interpretations and viewpoints. Remember: I’m a person. I change. 

** Please don't feel that this changes an aspect of a friendship that we may have. If you are use to asking and discussing my dating life with me [once again, you know who you are] please note that nothing has changed. (Felt that I should put this since a friend already asked.) 

Man vs Fear

Just staring at my locker. 

MeBrave: "Dude, I can do this"

MeNotBrave: "But what if she ..."

MeBrave: "So what!? I'm not going to die! I didn't last time! Come on! Cost vs Benefit? Totally worth it!"

Random Student walking by noticing my monologue: "Oh great, midterms got to this one"

MeNotBrave: "I can't, I'll sound stupid, I don't even know what to say!!"

...
(5 minutes later)

MeBrave: "OH MY FREAKIN GOSH! I've done this tons of times before! Get UP! GO in there! GET HER NUMBER!"

MeNotBrave: "FINE! I WILL! I GOT this! I got this! ummm... yea... i got this... "

MeBrave: "Seriously! 5 minutes and I'm still staring at my locker!"

MeNotBrave: "Oh dang, 5 minutes? Time to go, have to meet with the TA right now! Gotta keep the appointment!" 

MeBrave: "AH! Again!? Seriously!? Curses, next time I'll get it, next time for sure!"


Fear: be afraid or feel anxious or apprehensive about a possible or probable situation or event

Is fear holding you back? Is it keeping you from reaching your goals? What is it about fear that makes it so crippling? My answers: Yes, Yes, No idea, but can we get rid of it?

Throughout my life I've had to overcome my fears, and honestly, most of the time it turns out to be an awesome experience. From everything like riding my bike, going to school for the first time, talking in front of large audiences, being a leader, going to Russia... it has always turned out great! And those rare times when it doesn't work out, when fear is confirmed, it is never as bad as I made it out to be in my mind. Sure it hurt a little, but heck, it heals - and if it's anything physical then I'll get an awesome scar out of it!

So you would think that since I've overcome fear often, it would be a walk in the park right? Wrong. I guess each area that I fear I must overcome myself. This is where faith comes in. Faith - the opposite of fear. The fear of failure seems to be my biggest one. I'm sure the monologue revealed that. But faith - confidence in God, that he is in control and will stand by me - is what I need. Now don't get me wrong. I have faith. Just not enough.

Now let me clarify here. I have faith that I can do WHATEVER God wants me to. Any assignment, any challenge, any obstacle - it can be done. Perhaps what we (those who fear failure) are lacking is a greater sense of faith. Faith that no matter the failure - in the end it will all work out. (yes, it sounds cliche, but it's true). Faith that if we are living right, all our challenges will be for our good. Faith that we can do anything! Do you believe it? I should. I could. I WILL!

to finish off, I found this talk about fear: http://lds.org/new-era/1985/11/the-futility-of-fear
it states:

President N. Eldon Tanner remarked on one occasion, “One of the evils of the world today is not failure but low aim.” Just as we should not fear to fail, neither should we fear to aim high. There was no question of failure in the mind of Joseph the Prophet when, in the dark days of 1842, he penned the words: “Brethren, shall we not go on in so great a cause? Go forward and not backward. Courage, brethren; and on, on to the victory!” (D&C 128:22).

I say to you courage, young people! These are great times, and there are great things to be accomplished. Develop your talents; do not hide them under a bushel. Prepare prayerfully, increase in faith, and you will never have need to fear.

So, with that being said. Let's rock this. No more fear! No more hesitation! BRING IT ON!

and remember:
"If you've never failed, you've never lived."
“You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.” - Wayne Gretzky