I'm Either a Pre-mi or a Menace to Society

Thanks to a few generous people, I was able to attend both Sunday sessions of General Conference. It was such a blessing to be there to hear the words of the current apostles and our prophet. But this post is not about the sunshine and spiritual butterflies accompanying conference. This fun side story happened afterwards.

Zach and I were wandering around temple square as our roommate and his girlfriend were off taking pictures. (We were tired of looking like body guards, and our PDA tolerance quota was quickly approaching critical mass.) At one point an elderly couple asked if we could take their picture in front of the tabernacle. Afterwards the husband turned to us and asked:

"So when are you guys going to serve?"

For a brief second I wasn't sure what he was talking about, since I haven't been confused with a pre-mi since I was 22, but I caught on and replied:

"We already have... [blablabla] Russia ... [blablabla] New York"

Once he seemed to ascertain our correct ages (at least within the correct decade) he moved straight for the inevitable:

"So when are you guys getting married?"

Yeah, the conversation died quickly as we parted ways with my answer "Sometime in the future" and "I guess we'll find out".


As a soon to be graduate, the pressure seems to be mounting but it's not from family, close friends, or even from my priesthood leaders. No, those who know me the best apply pressure the least. They know the effort I put into finding a spouse, the importance I give to obtaining and following God's will, how much I respect and follow the counsel of priesthood leaders. They know me and advise accordingly. I have righteous parents. If they felt there was a problem, please rest assured knowing that they would not hesitate to help me.

So when you, stranger, say that I should "make finding a spouse my top priority" and "stop hanging out"  please remember your place. Worry about your family. Counsel your family members. My support system is doing a great job, and there is no need to add you to their ranks, especially if all you have to offer are suggestions on what I need to change.

Now if you have an attractive and compatible granddaughter in her twenties, then we might be able to work out something mutually beneficial... 

Forecast: Spring fever with frequent gusts of twitterpation.

Spring is here! 

Hurray for Sunshine! 

Flowers! Adventures! 

and PDA...

To give you the best run down possible, let us remember the wisdom of our friend Owl:

Yes my friends, as a veteran of 4 springs here at BYU, I can assure you that the pattern is real. Soon you'll be plagued outside by cuddling couples, spooning on your favorite grassy study spot, giddily laughing at every pathetically flirtatious [and disgustingly romantic] phrase their partner can whisper. In the immortal words of Mushu, these couples have quite literally "...popped out of the snow, like daisies!"

At first I was always slightly annoyed every spring, but now as I've recognized the pattern I prefer to take it in stride. It can actually be quite hilarious, I mean - people watching in winter was never as fun. Sure you have to battle down nausea due to that one couple awkwardly feeding each other in the Talmage... but exaggerating the event to friends makes it all worth it. Think of the fun you'll have on Overheard @ BYU.

So as the sunshine returns from its long winter break, let us shed our coats knowing that we're about to find people a lot more attractive, and for good reasons of course. Consider about all the skin that comes out in spring. "OH MY GOSH, I haven't seen an elbow like that in months! WOW her collar bone is! ..." Yep, you may laugh but it's true. Now as you cross campus, silently laugh with me and enjoy the chemically raging sea of hormones, knowing that beer goggles couldn't compete with some people's bout of Spring Fever. 

But don't get too cocky - Owl is right. "It could even happen to you!"

Honestly, Owl my friend, I not-so-secretly hope it does. 

PS. Google "Spring fever" and enjoy the theories.

Would you, could you, with a CS major?

"Would you date a CS girl if she were better than you?"

I instinctively start to respond in the affirmative, but am held back by my own reality punching me in the gut. Really? Am I about to admit this? "Ugh - you're right, it would be hard"

Computer Science is actually a horrible example to use because it's so broad. Two computer scientist can be geniuses in their own right and neither would be able to claim to be better. It's almost like trying to compare DaVinci and Angelo. But when pressed further "What if she were stronger than you in your strengths?" then I'm forced to say yes - it would be very hard, and all too easily avoidable.

This was started by a late night conversation with my roommates. "So you're going to go to Juilliard and find your self a pretty little piano major" to which the other replies "Nope - it wouldn't work, it would be too competitive"

We laugh but then he asks the question above and I suddenly had to cringe. I had never been confronted with this issue, thanks to a mix of low female enrollment in CS and how hard it is to compare and rank each other in the program. CS students tend to find their niche. My roommate - the stellar organist - has a clear ranking system. His talents are easily and often compared to others. He has confronted this issue before. We talk about how it's not a problem if the girl is a master at a different instrument or major, but when it comes close to your own, possible relationships fall to competition and avoiding the issue altogether easily skirts the conflict.

Earlier that day a female engineering friend told me: "I've had guys tell me they won't date me because we're in the same major"

At that time I totally couldn't understand, but then I was force fed some brutal introspection.

I can handle someone who is more athletic (yes, even in cycling), a better dancer, a faster reader, and a ton of other things - but beat me at a strong part of who I am - vocationally - and I see red.

Maybe this is culturally instilled, gender based, or natural - it really doesn't matter. I have a pride issue, and it has to go.

"The proud make every man their adversary by pitting their intellects, opinions, works, wealth, talents, or any other worldly measuring device against others. In the words of C. S. Lewis: “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. … It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone.” (Mere Christianity, New York: Macmillan, 1952, pp. 109–10.)" - 

Beware of Pride, President Ezra Taft Benson

YOU DON'T KNOW ME!

"They wouldn't be a good match - she's too much for him"

"They would get along perfectly, I know it!"

"You really need to meet her, she's definitely your type!"

"Him, with her? Can't happen."

Bull. Crap.

I'm sick of people assuming they know someone well enough to make these calls. Their knowledge is so superficial it's laughable. They have only seen the person in a subdued setting under predictably boring circumstances. Character is never so easily revealed. These observers don't actually know the person they are referencing  Honestly, when we don't know ourselves well enough to make an accurate assertion, how could a minimally invested friend even attempt?

 One would think that after so many surprises like "They're together!? I didn't see that coming!" we would be a little more open minded about the possibilities around us. Just because a someone is quiet and seemingly agreeable does not mean they lack strength of character, or the skills necessary to enjoyably handle a "high caliber" date.

I think we would all be astounded to see the true natures of the people around us, because right now all we see is a carefully crafted cover, hiding its true contents from our passing glances. So instead of assuming so much, let's acknowledge that we don't actually know, but are open to finding out.